finding glamour in the unglamourous

Yesterday, I had another breakdown. Many people close to me know exactly what I'm talking about. (If you don't, then I think it's a good thing because you don't have to deal with it!)

As mentioned in my first blog, "the inspiration to blog", I have a pretty unglamourous job. What makes it so..unglamourous? Well, to start off with, the salary stinks. Oh, do I mean it when I say, it stinks! I make half and now probably a third of what my friends (and even some entry-level NU graduates) make.
What do I do? I provide customer service to angry parents who pay child support, all 8 hours of my day. I wear one of those mic headsets and wait for people to call-in and yell (more like cuss) at me. Or I have to initiate a call and listen to the tone of numerous disconnected numbers; if lucky, I'll get a hold of one of my angry customers. Sounds like fun, huh? Right. This is not what I had envisioned when I read the job description on my company's website. (Nice job, HR, for being as discrete as possible about the real job duties.) This is not what I envisioned when I told God that I wanted to puruse a career to help His people.

What else is terrible? Well, a major downer is...my boss. He definintely tries to plays up the power trip on not just me but everyone. You can tell that he likes to put others down, just so that he can feel a tiny bit better about himself because nobody in the office is fond of him. And oh gosh, the drama. He's dramatic "management" style mimics a mix of a certain someone from The Office and girls from Sweet 16. Alright, alright. I will not spend time criticizing his incomptency.

My unglamourous job has left me in the rut many days last year. I didn't understand why I was in the situation that I was not happy with. I asked, God, Why?! weeks after weeks after not being able to find a better position. I almost felt neglected by my Father who I trusted and pleaded with. I felt like my prayer requests were not being heard. And I lost the focus for my purpose on earth. I began to value money as it become rather scarce to me. I began to become embarassed of my job position. I began to withdraw from social activities, not only to avoid eating out costs, but because I lacked self-confidence. I was not proud of who I was and I was not happy with who I was. All because of my one stinky job. I lost hope in wanting to go and make changes in the world, because I knew it comes with a big sacrifice.

As I was "breakingdown" yesterday, my fiance began to ask me questions of why I was unhappy and felt less confident. He reminded me that my confidence and happiness shouldn't be derived from...a job position. Or the amount of money. But solely from Jesus Christ who gave us hope through His sacrifice. And through Him we have eternal hope.  I've always known this to be true, but I just got lost in the crowd trying to make it through.

There is still glamour in the most unglamourous job and my unglamourous self. And that itself is Jesus Christ. He is with me and living inside of me through the Holy Spirit throughout the day while I'm answering angry parents calls and dealing with my impossible boss. May I become smaller and weaker so that His Strength will come through.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.  But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -- 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

what's the big deal about looking trendy, anyway?

I recently found out that my annual salary does not exceed the average cost of a wedding in the United States. I knew my income was meager compared to all my Northwestern colleagues. In one hour, they are getting paid twice, triple, and even quadruple times than I am. I thought it was a temporary situation for me as I was participating in an AmeriCorps program. But even after finding a full-time job, my salary stinks! I knew partly it was because I chose to go this way. To "help people". But I didn't know what kind of sacrifice it would require of me. I told God that I wanted to help others. But I didn't know it would be at the cost of losing my comfortable lifestyle. Nor did I ask for it.
The past couple years, I've learned how to become a scrooge. I avoid eating out, shopping, and other various social events. (Hence, being MIA for those who have been wondering why I never come out to social gatherings.) You could call it being economical, frugal, having great money management skills... But what is the result of all this? It should be something positive and good, right? But actually no. Just a lot of complaints. I complain about what I don't have. And clothes is one of them. Trendy, new, cute clothes. It doesn't help watching my sister feed her closet with new purchases on a weekly basis. It's only two items, she says. But monthly and yearly, it adds up!
This morning, I noticed she had added (just) two more pieces to her vast wardrobe collection. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I shook my head at her. I got ready within seconds, gloating about how quickly one can get dressed if there are only few options to choose from.

I got to work and looked down at my outfit. My shoes -- boots, purchased from Christmas giftcards from my sisters two Christmases ago. They are very roughed up, but they are my only dressy ones and I still wear them. Jeans -- they were actually my sister's that she purchased last year during one of her routine shopaholic weekends. She wore them once and decided they were too big, and handed them down to me. Shirt -- my sister gave me a giftcard she received for her birthday. She told me she didn't need it and told me to use it. Of course I took it and purchased the shirt with her giftcard. Sweater -- this was also another barely used "big" sweater that my sister handed down to me. I wear it almost every week. Even my nail polish, hair pins, and socks were bought by her.

Needless to say, I am very blessed to have my sister. God has somehow blessed her and blessed me. And in no way, does she ever belittle me for my decision to go in the public sector and have a stinky salary. She also encourages me to continue doing what I'm passionate about, especially in times when I feel like I want to give up. And I have done very little to thank her. Or blessed her back for all the things she's done in my life the past couple years.
So, here is my tribute to her -- Naners, you rock even though you call me an a-whole and try not to talk to me in the mornings. :D

the inspiration to blog

I watched the movie Julie & Julia and was inspired to start my own blog. Like Julie Powell, I too have a boring desk job answering calls from angry customers and dealing with an impossible boss. Like Julie Powell, I have unique talents that I don't really know what to do with. Like Julie Powell, I have an absolutely amazing fiance (husband-to-be) who believes in me.
I've been meaning to read her book, but haven't got around to it. I've also been meaning to start my own blog to share about my life journey. It was one of my new year's resolutions. Fifteen days and 8 graduate school applications later, here I am. I'm ready to do this...