finding glamour in the unglamourous

Yesterday, I had another breakdown. Many people close to me know exactly what I'm talking about. (If you don't, then I think it's a good thing because you don't have to deal with it!)

As mentioned in my first blog, "the inspiration to blog", I have a pretty unglamourous job. What makes it so..unglamourous? Well, to start off with, the salary stinks. Oh, do I mean it when I say, it stinks! I make half and now probably a third of what my friends (and even some entry-level NU graduates) make.
What do I do? I provide customer service to angry parents who pay child support, all 8 hours of my day. I wear one of those mic headsets and wait for people to call-in and yell (more like cuss) at me. Or I have to initiate a call and listen to the tone of numerous disconnected numbers; if lucky, I'll get a hold of one of my angry customers. Sounds like fun, huh? Right. This is not what I had envisioned when I read the job description on my company's website. (Nice job, HR, for being as discrete as possible about the real job duties.) This is not what I envisioned when I told God that I wanted to puruse a career to help His people.

What else is terrible? Well, a major downer is...my boss. He definintely tries to plays up the power trip on not just me but everyone. You can tell that he likes to put others down, just so that he can feel a tiny bit better about himself because nobody in the office is fond of him. And oh gosh, the drama. He's dramatic "management" style mimics a mix of a certain someone from The Office and girls from Sweet 16. Alright, alright. I will not spend time criticizing his incomptency.

My unglamourous job has left me in the rut many days last year. I didn't understand why I was in the situation that I was not happy with. I asked, God, Why?! weeks after weeks after not being able to find a better position. I almost felt neglected by my Father who I trusted and pleaded with. I felt like my prayer requests were not being heard. And I lost the focus for my purpose on earth. I began to value money as it become rather scarce to me. I began to become embarassed of my job position. I began to withdraw from social activities, not only to avoid eating out costs, but because I lacked self-confidence. I was not proud of who I was and I was not happy with who I was. All because of my one stinky job. I lost hope in wanting to go and make changes in the world, because I knew it comes with a big sacrifice.

As I was "breakingdown" yesterday, my fiance began to ask me questions of why I was unhappy and felt less confident. He reminded me that my confidence and happiness shouldn't be derived from...a job position. Or the amount of money. But solely from Jesus Christ who gave us hope through His sacrifice. And through Him we have eternal hope.  I've always known this to be true, but I just got lost in the crowd trying to make it through.

There is still glamour in the most unglamourous job and my unglamourous self. And that itself is Jesus Christ. He is with me and living inside of me through the Holy Spirit throughout the day while I'm answering angry parents calls and dealing with my impossible boss. May I become smaller and weaker so that His Strength will come through.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.  But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -- 2 Corinthians 12:8-9